tmr

hmm was sittin in my mum's car after she came to pick me from location scout.. she'd gone to buy some groceries.. leaving me the handicapped slow poke in the car to have some me time.. and it appears i've fallen into a somewhat familiar trap hole.. i've been worrying about the future again.. and what it holds install for me.. i've always had the mentallity that i wanna be more than what i am now, pretty much a nobody.. i wanna do things.. see places.. be somebody important ya know? like some big shot director or something.. it's worrying at the moment.. because i dun really see the path laid out clearly before me.. really scary.. i look at someone like chandler.. one of the lecturers in school.. he's been out in the professional dog eat dog world.. and bcoz he's worked on a couple of bad projects in a row, he isn't doin too good at the mo.. central's showing some singaporean films in view of national day.. and i can't help but think to myself, how the films never make it too far within singapore itself, let alone abroad... singapore definitely isn't one of the better places to do films.. limitation after limitation.. i feel if someone stays too long in such an environment, he/she might get used to it.. and they adapt to the circumstances... they all look the same.. or at least.. those i've watched... it's hard to see a future for me that doesn't involve going overseas.. it's kinda worrying also.. the fact that there's just so many people out there in this world.. so many people doing the same things i am.. huge amount of competition.. and what's gonna make me so different from the others.. hmmmmm depressing right?

at the same time, i dun wanna try too hard.. cause people tend to lose sight of what they want if they try too hard... u forget what u're there for... okay... what am i here for?
amazingly i still haven't got a straight answer for that one...

funny the last time i felt like this, i was worrying about dying tomorrow.. like feeling squeezed because i felt life was too short for my liking.. went the wrong way immediately basically.. rushed myself.. got damn stressed out.. really.. lol life is short.. i still believe so now... loook it feels like only yesterday when i first came into poly.. look now? i'm mid way through 2nd year.. 1 and a half yrs to go.. 2 yrs into ns.. come out a free man able to do watever i want... i look back, and time feels so short.. i look forward.. and time seems just so unbearably long.. 3 and a half years of my life will be gone in a flash.. i'll come out 21 or 22.. that's quite old :( hahaha.. ah at least to me anyway... (I've this fear of growing old >.< .. think it's got something to do with the fear of dying also.. fear of not knowing what's coming)..
ah let's face it.. i'm just scared i'll die a nobody... no one will remember me.. i haven't left even the teeny tiniest impression on the world... and i'll just go.. which just defeats the purpose of putting me here in the first place -.- ... DUN WANT!

i'm not not not not content with wat i have.......
want moreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
it's human nature isn't it? to want moree?
it's not greed (yet).. cause technically i've very very little now...
ah i can keep going on.. cause i'm feeling bloody insecure now.. =/

ah well..

i watched a couple of films today..

1. Moulin Rouge
-seen it before already, but just wanted to relive it.. *loves*
2. Little Children
-initially i wanted to see it because the same actress from requiem for a dream was acting in it.. but then calvin said it was awesome too so watched it.. it's quite nice *nod nod*...
3. Le Papillon (The Butterfly)
-hurrr french film.. on central.. not bad at all... simple story, meaningful.. and i love french accents.. hehehe...

okay here's a line from Le Papillon
".. there cannot be love, without trust. so without trust, there is no love."
don't the french just find fancy ways to talk bout love? lol...

sigh.. worried worried worried, scared scared scared...

beginnings and endings

i've got feeling both happy and sad right now :( more sad than anything lol.. why?
cause after spending all of last night (from 9.30pm to 6.30am this morning) reading the last harry potter book, i've finally read the last 3 words that ends the whole journey ("All was well.") like happy ending.. but i'm not content! >.< THE BOOK COULD HAVE BEEN LONGER! LoooL! nt shiok! haiyah! it's heartbreaking to know there's nothing else coming out in the future to continue the story *sigh* .. i know there's no such thing as a never-ending story.. but sometimes u just want things to go on and on and on.. ah well.. NOT HAPPY! Hmph!
(i'm feeling the urge to wanna do something in the future... -a dreamer, dreaming-)

the foot's gotten better better better.. swelling's gone down a whole lot.. but still can't put weight on it for too long.. which makes walking distances longer than 10metres a right chore.. and it takes me a darn long time to limp that distance lol.. and can't twist it left and right eiither.. or i'll feel a sharp pain where the ligament thingum is *nod*...
AHH DANG IT! I WANNA DIRECT A HP FILM! lol (PLS IGNORE ME)
hmmmmmmmmmmmmm i shall watch moulin rouge later hurhur.. been wanting to for awhile..
the next 2 weeks in sch are gonna be painfully stressful, studying for 3 tests, cam 'n' lights (which shouldn't be too hard), and audio post and film history (which are the darn things i'm dreading.. DooooH!) heeeyer.. i know i just have to hang in there another 2 weeks and it's all over.. but it also means quite a tad of studying to do.. and seeing as i basically wasted my saturday away, by sitting in bed for 30 mins after reading finish the book, not wanting to believe it was over *sobs*.. and playing fifa and blowing up worms on my pc to make me feel better the rest of the time, i've gotta pick up the slack soon lol (key word "soon" hehe *procrastinate procrastinate*)

okay i'm gonna go off before i get anymore random with what i type =P ..

when i lost hope,
u were there to remind me...

"Cookie" -ne comprends pas-

not sure wat to make of things anymore.. because sometimes wat u see or hear gives u ideas but with time, u'll see and hear more and more.. meaning? more ideas... and sometimes.. ideas that are opposite or against the previous ones..
and u dun wanna give it too much thought coz hey, could just be nothing in the end.. and it could be everything.. or a particularly important something, that'll definitely add to the whole mix of things all thrown into the bowl... then u think.. why ain't stuff just.. u know.. simple? less problems, mix ups, worrying about givin too much thought, worrying bout not giving too much thought.. and then there're exteral stuffs that come into the picture.. the other ppl who'd like it this way or that, or who'd just disagree completely..

hmmmm.. okay... i'm going safe... cover both ends of the tipping scale with their own answers...
'Sorry :( ..'
and
'Merci beaucoup!'

still.. dun feel satisfied... *sigh*
how do you know u've done it at all with the answers.. and how do you know which one worked? or which one would be more appreciated but doesn't work and the other way around...
(if u're getting lost in this.. dun worry.. i am too.. *bleh*)

and then if it comes down to the 7 sent.. and wat was in em' all..
the meanings, and everything... i guess no one'll know wat were they're intentions but you :) .. and it doesn't have to be said if u don't have anything, or don't want to say anything..

really, i'd just like a nice cookie *sigh sigh sigh* :(

..scream..

the yelling that goes on before the lights are turned out...

thank you, for loving me =)

It's hard for me to say the things
I want to say sometimes
There's no one here but you and me
And that broken old street light
Lock the doors
We'll leave the world outside
All I've got to give to you
Are these five words when I

Thank you for loving me
For being my eyes
When I couldn't see
For parting my lips
When I couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me
Thank you for loving me

I never knew I had a dream
Until that dream was you
When I look into your eyes
The sky's a different blue
Cross my heart
I wear no disguise
If I tried, you'd make believe
That you believed my lies

Thank you for loving me
For being my eyes
When I couldn't see
For parting my lips
When I couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me
Thank you for loving me

You pick me up when I fall down
You ring the bell before they count me out
If I was drowning you would part the sea
And risk your own life to rescue me

Solo

Lock the doors
We'll leave the world outside
All I've got to give to you
Are these five words when I

Thank you for loving me
For being my eyes
When I couldn't see
For parting my lips
When I couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me
Thank you for loving me

When I couldn't fly
Oh, you gave me wings
You parted my lips
When I couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me
Thank you for loving me
Thank you for loving me,
For loving me

----

hur okay people.. gonna tell u why i'm feeling the love right now... and why i'm really really happy..
first, i've begun training with a team called the 'moosemen'.. they're quite zai yaya :D .. yesterday was my 2nd training with em... and my friend just called me jsut now to tell me both of us are allowed to continue going to train with them for good now hehhehe! good news right? :D
second, 30 minutes into yesterday's training, i bumped pretty hard into someone, fell, dislocated and twisted my right ankle... in the process probably tearing a lil bit of a ligament.. can't put any weight on it, but i've already seen a sensei... looks like i'll be on krutches for bout 2 months.. :( there goes my lovely holidays :( :( ... the swelling's really really bad.. it's like spreading up my shin O.O ...
But in this time of need my really really really lovely friends and schoolmates are being ever so supportive :D ... glad i met all this nice people.. buy food for me lah (even though forget to buy me water -.- hahahha U KNOW WHO U R!) help me hold doors open lah.. and well just showing me "where's the love" as we call it hurhur.. so nice right all of them? =) ... ah if i was a religious person, i'd thank god and pray for thx every moment, of everyday that he let me bump into such awesome possumy people :) hehe...
third, me family's ever so supportive.. they (mum the ex nurse, sis the learning vet, bro the stand-in walking stick (HAHAHHA kiddin!)) came down in full force last night to get me from the training ground (Valhall, in kallang) and bring me to a sensei :)
last but definitely not least :):):) .... *leaves large blank* (hurrrrrrr OWNSELF GUESS! :P )

thank you for loving me.... :) :) :)

it's just impossible =)

very very content... :)

BREAK

I will break into your thoughts
With what's written on my heart
I will break, break

I'm so sick, infected with
Where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss, selfishness
I'm so sick
I'm so sick

If you want more of this
We can push out, sell out, die out
So you'll shut up
And stay sleeping
With my screaming in your itching ears

I'm so sick, infected with
Where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss, selfishness
I'm so sick
I'm so sick

Hear it, I'm screaming it
You're heeding to it now
Hear it, I'm screaming it
You tremble at this sound

You sink into my clothes
This invasion makes me feel
Worthless, hopeless, sick

I'm so sick, infected with
Where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss, selfishness
I'm so, I'm so sick

I'm so sick, infected with
Where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss, selfishness
I'm so (I'm so)
I'm so sick (I'm so sick)
I'm so (I'm so)
I'm so sick (I'm so sick)

*erases previous post*

i guess...
i really didn't mean what i said here... =)

angels cry...

Well it's hard to explain but I'll try if you let me
Well its hard to sustain
I'll cry if you let me
This doesn't change the way I feel about you or your place in my life
(please don't cry)
Can't you see I'm dying here?
A shot of broken heart that is chased with fear

Angels cry when stars collide
I can't eat and I can't breathe
I wouldn't want it any other way

Intentions that were pure have turned obscure
Seconds into hours
Minutes into years
Don't ask me why
(please don't cry)
I cant tell you lies

Angels cry when stars collide
I can't eat and I can't breathe
I wouldn't want it any other way.

My heart burns through
My chest to the floor
Tearing me silently although abruptly
Words cant hide as I'm taking you home
And I tried to see
Tried to understand your words as I'm taking you home

Angels cry when stars collide
I can't eat and I can't breathe
I wouldn't want it any other way

vous ne devez plus expliquer

the sucker for mushy stuff... =P

*unknown artist - to make you feel my love*

When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I would offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
There's no doubt in my mind where you belong

I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling down the avenue
There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging on a rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
You ain't seen nothin' like me yet

There ain't nothin' that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
Make you happy make your dreams come true
To make you feel my love

----

damn sweet right this song?! :)

gone hungry, gone black and blue.
all this simply at just the thought of you.

hurhur decided to add in my own line la la...
ah well enjoy people! :D

silent bloggie :(

hddweb.com is not working!! =( no music.. bloggie's awfully quiet all of a sudden.. *sniff sniff*
ah anyways i've been having this song playing on loop for awhile so just imagine u can hear the song *nods*

*clears throat -ahem hem-*
*puts on a fancy white suit with a funny, matching top hat, and struts out on stage with a cane*
*sings, and dances*
L is for the way you Look at me.
O is for the Only One i see,
V is Very Very extraordinary,
E is Even more than anyone that you adore

hurhur.. random yes i know..
ah finally tomorrow is gonna be my rest day.. i can chill out and watch movies and whatever nots.. though i think i have some work to do but i don't remember o.o ... ah well it's prolly nothing lol..

ah yes... transformers is DAMN GOOD!
i shall watch it again... heck i dun bother watching die hard 4.0 again either loool..
and and the transformers lead actress (i forgot her name -.-) is damn prettyyy!!!
*exaggerated heart beats,
wolf calls and whistling,
Faints*
hehe.. I WANT A CAR THAT TALKS WITH IT'S RADIO! hahahaha!
"who's gonna drive you home, tonight?"
"BABY COME BACK!"
lol

oh i'm sorry i'm blind...
although, really,
i chose to be...