afraid.. torn in 2

it's already begun.. the thing they call ethics...
the decision you make when u're torn in 2 directions...
On one hand.. u can pretend to care.. because all you want is a good show..
on the otherhand.. she's just told you her story.. it may not be her whole story.. but she's also showing suicidal tendencies..

she said "really you're the only one.... am i scaring you off?"
i said "no... I don't scare easy... everyone's got a story.. i'm just the one you chose to told.."

it's hard for her definitely... all the things that are happening..
i may think it's hard for me.. i may have a point..
because i hardly know her.. and for her to share something so personal.. on such short notice.. it almost seems like really.. i was the only one she felt she could tell.. she gave her reasons.. and it just felt more scary.. that if she were to do something stupid.. the thing i couldn't pull of in sec 2.. i'd be linked.. and i'll be scarred for life.. i guess this fear is what wants me to pull back a little.. and not get too attached to the individual..

but this individual is a person.. and it was the last thing i said to her..
"we're all the same.."
whatever i think is hard for me,
is 10 times harder for her..
it's time i quit being selfish.. there is no 2 options in ethics..
i can still tell the story.. without hurting anyone...

i can't help it.. but when i see the fake tears on the screen.... i can imagine many more genuine ones that have fallen or are falling.. even though you don't see them.. inside.. she's breaking down.. crying..
"Can I just die?"
it's something everyone's scared to hear isn't it?
you don't wanna know if someone's committing suicide.. or thinking about it.. death is taboo..
why do we not want to know? i think because i'm scared i can't help.. i'm scared the words i say.. she'll just take as words... that i'm putting up.. an act...

when i heard this song.. i thought of her.. and i nearly cried..
(if i am here for a reason.. this must be one of them.. )

i will not tell you to go some place else at your expense..

------


catch your breath
hit the wall
scream out loud
as you start to crawl
back in your cage
the only place
where they will
leave you alone
cause the weak will seek the weaker till they've broken them
could you get it back again
would it be the same
fulfillment to their lack of strength at your expense
left you with no defense
they tore it down

and I have felt the same
as you I've felt the same
as you I've felt the same

locked inside
the only place
where you feel sheltered
where you feel safe
you lost yourself
in your search to find
something else to hide behind
cause the fearful always preyed upon your confidence
didn't they see the consequence
they pushed you around
the arrogant build kingdoms made of the different ones
breaking them till they've become
just another crown

and I have felt the same
as you I've felt the same
as you I've felt the same
as you I've felt the same

refuse to feel
anything at all
refuse to slip
refuse to fall
can't be weak
can't stand still
watch your back
cause no one will

you don't know why they had to go this far
traded your worth for these scars
for your only company
and don't believe the lies that they have told to you
not one word was true
you're alright
you're alright
you're alright

and I have felt the same
as you I've felt the same
as you I've felt the same
as you I've felt the same