not possible for me

ive finally come to my senses and realised something thats been staring me straight in the face...
what i want is not possible for me.. now...
i can already hear RM going on and on about how he was right all along... and HM has left me i guess... it seems he wishes not to speak and has finally given in...
a feel some emotion that i cant express in words... mixed emotions...
some part of me is still singing IRIS.... but a larger part of me has already given up...
Its not like me to give up easily on things... its only happened twice in my life...
this would be that 2nd time...
the first time was slightly less painful than this i guess....

gonna visit the big chicken at singapore river today..... trying to keep a open mind and see what i can think off once im there... ive read a couple of websites going on and on about it... apparently one blogger says the sculpture reminds him of the movie/documentary "Super Size Me".... whereas in another(a art competition or something) young students have written stories about it and they have written things like how the bird flies of to iraq to fight for peace... and so on... sounds like something i would have written back then haha... anything is possible when u dont know how real the world is right?

anything is possible...... pretty ironic considering what i just typed at the beginning of this entry... i think i hear HM talking again... i guess im gonna go on believing that crazy things do happen in a "real" world..... even with the complications and negatives staring me in the face.. i will go on believing... sounds like something out of steven gerrard's books... the guy simply never quits... thats why hes such a great example for moi... hes like a nike add all by himself...
"Just do it"... and he puts in 2 outstanding goals to keep liverpool level at the FA Cup... he puts in one of the goals that help liverpool win the champs league... hes such a important person and i want to be just like him... a important player both on court and off... mmm the league is starting soon.. i hope i can get this mystery that has been plaguing me solved by then.. it drains me of my concentration and i wont live up to my dream this year (top the points chart hehe.. more assists than goals of course)... a team game is a team game after all.. and sure u can score the best solo goals that only you will remember but u can help create a greater goal with the team.. creativity .... mmmmmmmm... ive been having some dreams where i freeze during a game.. so unlike me to all those that know me on court.. ive been training so hard... so please... help me through this difficult time in my life... lead me away from distractions and guide me to the place where i can find the things that ive been searching for...

another long post............ so many thoughts so little time... so many emotions so few words to describe for all.... so much space and endless time but so little is happening in there...