mao's hen theory :P (Rated NC-16, for slightly disturbing content (to most asian people)
okay this is kinda like.. up to you if you think it's true or not.. but i think there's some logic in it hur..
basically.. don't you think more people are more likely to "Do It" (let's just call it Nike (prounounced "Nick")... cause Nike in french means "Do That Kinky Thing usually with a guy and girl, but you know what ever gets it up for you" *shrug*.. okay so...
Don't you think people are more likely to "Nike" if they're in a good mood?
I mean who "Nikes" when they're like angry or shit? that's kinda like angry "Nike".. kinda disturbing.. (maybe why some people like it rough =X)
Anyway, yeah.. i mean you'd think people are more likely to "Nike" if they're happier! in a good mood! and when is it that most (not all), people are in a good mood?
THE MAJOR HOLIDAYS! DUHHH!
So let's use Christmas as an example, since u know it's Christmas time and all...
How long does it take for a baby (usually) to get fully developed and enter this world? technically 9 months.. unless you know.. someone's in a hurry or something.. so that'd mean that a fair slight bit more of people are born around September or there abouts, maybe eating into October, or if you're in a hurry late August..
this is not a proven theory.. but go find out yourself.. how many people you know that are born around this time... and check too if their family celebrates christmas, or had some sort of happy thingum going the christmas that the tadpole and squash ball came together and created "LIFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" (okay just playing)..
okay.. then there's chinese new year.. which is like chinese u know, i don't know maybe it's auspicious to "Nike" around this time you know.. maybe with like mandarin oranges and angpaos everywhere, maybe a "rubber" with like the chinese character upside down thing? and in red.. i don't know *wink*..
so if chinese new year comes february-ish or there abouts.. people would be born arounddd... ehhhh depends.. i'm not good with the chinese calender.. but more around October, November and December yeah? or in some cases maybe like later in early January *nod* (Oh my god i know what my parents were doing chinese new year 18 and a half years ago O.O ... Okay nevermind BAD THOUGHT! *kicks it out of his head*)
so technically speaking, people would just feel you know technically more ermm.. "Thorny" (without the T.. because u know.. i dun wana disturb the extremely conservative asian people who find Sex is a sorta.. not a topic lol..
"Omg! He's talking about! O.O ... *raises eyebrows*.. you know! *Raises eyebrows* O.O.. *Raises eyebrows and sorta yanks head to right*.. you know! that thinggg.. (if i'm not wrong), god said something like "Go Forth And Create""
(i think i heard that from Noah's Ark.. the old version.. if i'm wrong, i mean no offence you know.. so sorry to the people who may have just found that comment insulting *nod*.. truly am)
yeah okay back to topic.. so people would be partying, like happy, good food, presents, old friends, mandarin oranges, turkey (isn't that thanksgiving? =O), like you.. happy times, and if you're really really happy, and there's someone you really love somewhere out there, or you just ate like a bunch of oysters during the evening buffet, and you just feel naturally "Thorny", you're gonna give your mate that look... like you know the naughtier version of this O.o... and some lucky people may actually "get it on" in view of the happy mood and spirit...
so this would mean you know what people's parents were doing you know, sorta thing.. if they're born around this time.. lol...
OF COURSE!
there're the other people.. the ones who like to plan.. like PLANNNNN.. and some might like a child during Christmas (and torture themselves till christmas day?)
-----
INT. HOSPITAL WARD - DAY - CHRISTMAS EVE
A woman, JUDY, in labour, doing her huffing and puffing on her hospital bed looks like she's struggling. Her husband, PATRICK STARFISH (or maybe not even her husband :O hahaha you never do know), sits beside her and holds her hand. A nurse, NURSE PENELOPE is also in the room.
NURSE PENELOPE
Breathe, IN...... OUT... IN ... OUT....
it'll be over soon...
Nurse Penelope gives Judy a comforting look, but almost instantly is taken aback by how aggresive Judy's expression is (i mean she has the right too technically.. she's freaking about to give birth? HELLO?!).
JUDY
What time isit? How long till midnIGHT?!
I AM NOT HAVING THIS BABY ON CHRISTMAS EVE!
WE PLANNED IT! 9 months to the day!
CHRISTMAS!
Judy throws Patrick Starfish a stare like it's his fault for being a little too efficient in bed.
NURSE PENELOPE
Well sorry mdm.. but the only way you're having
this baby on christmas is if you were in like..
New Zealand or Paupau New Guinea.. you know?
Cause of the time zone and everything......
Nurse Penelope continues rattling off in her own little geography world, as Judy suddenly looks like she's got an idea..
JUDY
I KNOW!
She yells and makes both Patrick Starfish and Nurse Penelope jump.
JUDY (Cont'd)
WE'LL FLY TO NEW ZEALAND! AND HAVE THE BABY THERE!
NURSE PENELOPE
Yeah.. what i said..
But sorry, you're not leaving this bed..
Or i'd lose my job... So yeah..
Over My Dead Body...
A slightly determined, twisted sadistic smile appears on Judy's face as Nurse Penelope goes back to checking the numbers on her clipboard. Patrick Starfish looks a little worried from Judy then to Nurse Penelope but by the time it dawned on him, it was already to late.
Judy had already reached out for a tranqualizer injection (that just happened to be there on the table HHAHA.. so convenient for the writer) on the table and STABS it with brutal force into Nurse Penelope.
Nurse Penelope let's out a slight moan of anguish, but the sedative is so strong, that she knocks out almost seconds after that, falling in an awkward position on the floor.
PATRICK STARFISH
WHAT THE?!
JUDY
SILENCE! I KILL YOU! (HAHAHAHHAHAHA)
NOW GET ME OUT OF THIS BED YOU INFIDEL!
WE'RE GOING TO THE AIRPORT
INT. HOSPITAL WARD - NIGHT - CHRISTMAS EVE
NURSE LAYLA, speaks to Judy and Patrick Starfish in a thick Kiwi accent.
NURSE LAYLA
Okay so we're gonna move ya over into
surgery now mates.
ALRIGHT! LET'S MOVE EM!
Nurse Layla yells and almost immediately a bunch of other nurses appear and begin wheeling Judy to surgery...
JUDY
WAIT! WHAT TIME IS IT?! WHAT TIME IS IT?!
The Nurses seem not to hear her.
PATRICK STARFISH
11.20pm Baby!
Patrick star yells.
JUDY
I AM NOT HAVING THIS BABY UNTIL MIDNIGHT! YOU HEARRAAAAARHG!
Judy's water has just broken.
They wheel her into surgery.
INT. SURGERY ROOM - NIGHT
A group of doctors and nurses are gathered around Judy helping her through labor. Judy gives a final fatigued moan of agony as she pushes again. The cry of a baby breaks the monotonous beeping of the life support machines.
DOCTOR
It's a BOY!
A nurse comes over with a blue cloth and wraps the newborn in it, before passing him to Judy.
The newborn with big googly eyes O.O looks curiously at Judy, and feels at ease.
JUDY
Hellooo youuuu... helloooo.. Daddy's on
the floor but he'll be up in a minute..
Hi...
Judy plays with her little baby.
DOCTOR
Time of birth 11:59PM, 24th December.
JUDY
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-THE END-
--------------
hurhurhur.. okay i'm tired from all the typing.. though i have more to say... so look our for Mao's Hen Theory Part 2 :P
(again this was not meant to insult anyone, and if i did, i hope you'll forgive me)
basically.. don't you think more people are more likely to "Do It" (let's just call it Nike (prounounced "Nick")... cause Nike in french means "Do That Kinky Thing usually with a guy and girl, but you know what ever gets it up for you" *shrug*.. okay so...
Don't you think people are more likely to "Nike" if they're in a good mood?
I mean who "Nikes" when they're like angry or shit? that's kinda like angry "Nike".. kinda disturbing.. (maybe why some people like it rough =X)
Anyway, yeah.. i mean you'd think people are more likely to "Nike" if they're happier! in a good mood! and when is it that most (not all), people are in a good mood?
THE MAJOR HOLIDAYS! DUHHH!
So let's use Christmas as an example, since u know it's Christmas time and all...
How long does it take for a baby (usually) to get fully developed and enter this world? technically 9 months.. unless you know.. someone's in a hurry or something.. so that'd mean that a fair slight bit more of people are born around September or there abouts, maybe eating into October, or if you're in a hurry late August..
this is not a proven theory.. but go find out yourself.. how many people you know that are born around this time... and check too if their family celebrates christmas, or had some sort of happy thingum going the christmas that the tadpole and squash ball came together and created "LIFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" (okay just playing)..
okay.. then there's chinese new year.. which is like chinese u know, i don't know maybe it's auspicious to "Nike" around this time you know.. maybe with like mandarin oranges and angpaos everywhere, maybe a "rubber" with like the chinese character upside down thing? and in red.. i don't know *wink*..
so if chinese new year comes february-ish or there abouts.. people would be born arounddd... ehhhh depends.. i'm not good with the chinese calender.. but more around October, November and December yeah? or in some cases maybe like later in early January *nod* (Oh my god i know what my parents were doing chinese new year 18 and a half years ago O.O ... Okay nevermind BAD THOUGHT! *kicks it out of his head*)
so technically speaking, people would just feel you know technically more ermm.. "Thorny" (without the T.. because u know.. i dun wana disturb the extremely conservative asian people who find Sex is a sorta.. not a topic lol..
"Omg! He's talking about! O.O ... *raises eyebrows*.. you know! *Raises eyebrows* O.O.. *Raises eyebrows and sorta yanks head to right*.. you know! that thinggg.. (if i'm not wrong), god said something like "Go Forth And Create""
(i think i heard that from Noah's Ark.. the old version.. if i'm wrong, i mean no offence you know.. so sorry to the people who may have just found that comment insulting *nod*.. truly am)
yeah okay back to topic.. so people would be partying, like happy, good food, presents, old friends, mandarin oranges, turkey (isn't that thanksgiving? =O), like you.. happy times, and if you're really really happy, and there's someone you really love somewhere out there, or you just ate like a bunch of oysters during the evening buffet, and you just feel naturally "Thorny", you're gonna give your mate that look... like you know the naughtier version of this O.o... and some lucky people may actually "get it on" in view of the happy mood and spirit...
so this would mean you know what people's parents were doing you know, sorta thing.. if they're born around this time.. lol...
OF COURSE!
there're the other people.. the ones who like to plan.. like PLANNNNN.. and some might like a child during Christmas (and torture themselves till christmas day?)
-----
INT. HOSPITAL WARD - DAY - CHRISTMAS EVE
A woman, JUDY, in labour, doing her huffing and puffing on her hospital bed looks like she's struggling. Her husband, PATRICK STARFISH (or maybe not even her husband :O hahaha you never do know), sits beside her and holds her hand. A nurse, NURSE PENELOPE is also in the room.
NURSE PENELOPE
Breathe, IN...... OUT... IN ... OUT....
it'll be over soon...
Nurse Penelope gives Judy a comforting look, but almost instantly is taken aback by how aggresive Judy's expression is (i mean she has the right too technically.. she's freaking about to give birth? HELLO?!).
JUDY
What time isit? How long till midnIGHT?!
I AM NOT HAVING THIS BABY ON CHRISTMAS EVE!
WE PLANNED IT! 9 months to the day!
CHRISTMAS!
Judy throws Patrick Starfish a stare like it's his fault for being a little too efficient in bed.
NURSE PENELOPE
Well sorry mdm.. but the only way you're having
this baby on christmas is if you were in like..
New Zealand or Paupau New Guinea.. you know?
Cause of the time zone and everything......
Nurse Penelope continues rattling off in her own little geography world, as Judy suddenly looks like she's got an idea..
JUDY
I KNOW!
She yells and makes both Patrick Starfish and Nurse Penelope jump.
JUDY (Cont'd)
WE'LL FLY TO NEW ZEALAND! AND HAVE THE BABY THERE!
NURSE PENELOPE
Yeah.. what i said..
But sorry, you're not leaving this bed..
Or i'd lose my job... So yeah..
Over My Dead Body...
A slightly determined, twisted sadistic smile appears on Judy's face as Nurse Penelope goes back to checking the numbers on her clipboard. Patrick Starfish looks a little worried from Judy then to Nurse Penelope but by the time it dawned on him, it was already to late.
Judy had already reached out for a tranqualizer injection (that just happened to be there on the table HHAHA.. so convenient for the writer) on the table and STABS it with brutal force into Nurse Penelope.
Nurse Penelope let's out a slight moan of anguish, but the sedative is so strong, that she knocks out almost seconds after that, falling in an awkward position on the floor.
PATRICK STARFISH
WHAT THE?!
JUDY
SILENCE! I KILL YOU! (HAHAHAHHAHAHA)
NOW GET ME OUT OF THIS BED YOU INFIDEL!
WE'RE GOING TO THE AIRPORT
INT. HOSPITAL WARD - NIGHT - CHRISTMAS EVE
NURSE LAYLA, speaks to Judy and Patrick Starfish in a thick Kiwi accent.
NURSE LAYLA
Okay so we're gonna move ya over into
surgery now mates.
ALRIGHT! LET'S MOVE EM!
Nurse Layla yells and almost immediately a bunch of other nurses appear and begin wheeling Judy to surgery...
JUDY
WAIT! WHAT TIME IS IT?! WHAT TIME IS IT?!
The Nurses seem not to hear her.
PATRICK STARFISH
11.20pm Baby!
Patrick star yells.
JUDY
I AM NOT HAVING THIS BABY UNTIL MIDNIGHT! YOU HEARRAAAAARHG!
Judy's water has just broken.
They wheel her into surgery.
INT. SURGERY ROOM - NIGHT
A group of doctors and nurses are gathered around Judy helping her through labor. Judy gives a final fatigued moan of agony as she pushes again. The cry of a baby breaks the monotonous beeping of the life support machines.
DOCTOR
It's a BOY!
A nurse comes over with a blue cloth and wraps the newborn in it, before passing him to Judy.
The newborn with big googly eyes O.O looks curiously at Judy, and feels at ease.
JUDY
Hellooo youuuu... helloooo.. Daddy's on
the floor but he'll be up in a minute..
Hi...
Judy plays with her little baby.
DOCTOR
Time of birth 11:59PM, 24th December.
JUDY
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-THE END-
--------------
hurhurhur.. okay i'm tired from all the typing.. though i have more to say... so look our for Mao's Hen Theory Part 2 :P
(again this was not meant to insult anyone, and if i did, i hope you'll forgive me)
posted by Finwe21Ancalimon_maosi at 2:49 PM
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