belief, confidence, trust in oneself...

*Now Playing Lifehouse - Simon*

catch your breath
hit the wall
scream out loud
as you start to crawl
back in your cage
the only place
where they will
leave you alone
cause the weak will seek the weaker till they've broken them
could you get it back again
would it be the same
fulfillment to their lack of strength at your expense
left you with no defense
they tore it down

and I have felt the same
as you I've felt the same
as you I've felt the same

locked inside
the only place
where you feel sheltered
where you feel safe
you lost yourself
in your search to find
something else to hide behind
cause the fearful always preyed upon your confidence
didn't they see the consequence
they pushed you around
the arrogant build kingdoms made of the different ones
breaking them till they've become
just another crown

and I have felt the same
as you I've felt the same
as you I've felt the same
as you I've felt the same

refuse to feel
anything at all
refuse to slip
refuse to fall
can't be weak
can't stand still
watch your back
cause no one will

you don't know why they had to go this far
traded your worth for these scars
for your only company
and don't believe the lies that they have told to you
not one word was true
you're alright
you're alright
you're alright

and I have felt the same
as you I've felt the same
as you I've felt the same
as you I've felt the same

---------

fought with mum again over me moving out and staying closer to school.. =(
sometimes i just wish she'd understand... how tiring it is for me
with the 15 minute walks out to the bus stop..
the 20 minute waits for buses 70/72
the 20 minute bus rides to yiochukang mrt...
the 25 minute mrt rides to newton mrt...
the 10 minute waits for buses 171/67/170
the 15 minute bus rides to KAP...
the 10 minute waiting time and bus ride time to school with 154/151/74
or the 15 minute walk from KAP to school.. if i need some 'me' time...

the tiring days that start as early as 6.30am and end as late as 4 or 5 am the next day...
can she not see the baggies under these eyes?
how can she not hear my sighs of relief everytime i put my feet up when i reach home..
can she not hear my monotonous answers to her worries on my well-being?

"can you go pack your room?"
"can u help with the chores?"
"have u eaten?"
"u better be eating proper meals!"
"why always come back so late?"
"why always take cab? can u think more about saving money?"
"don't spend too much arr!"
"don't always tire yourself out can anot?"
"u leave the house so early every morning, and come back so late at night.. i hardly get to see u at all..."
"see lah! always go out so late at night! and come back at such unearthly hours! how to be bright and alert tomorrow?!"
"Always sleep your day away! always sleep until 4-5pm then wake up!..."
"Why always go to school?! Didn't you say holidays already?! I thought you want to find a job?!"
"can you hurry go sleep? so late already! and turn that music down before someone calls the cops!"
"Why u wanna move out of the house?! Like breaking up the family with jie in australia and all..."
"I won't be able to see you!"
"What if you do drugs?! HUh?! BEcome an alcoholic?! Huh?! u always go drinking with your friends!? huh?! What if you go mix with the wrong company?! HUh?! what if you get someone pregnant Huh?! never heard of raging hormones isit?! at this age?!......"

i can keep going..
i can't help but think.. if i got an extra hour to live evertime she says something out of those books i'd live to a ripe old age and die, old and crinkled in my rocking chair by the beach.. with my pet poochy on my lap desperately licking my face and barking to try to revive me...

i'm still intent on moving out.. because i've one, completely valid answer to all those questions..
"Trust me mum......"