teh chino to cap it

it's been a long, tiring, frustrating wee... definitely had better days..
but u win some u lose some.. if there's any word i'd choose in the english language to describe how i feel about myself, "Disappointed" would be that word...
still trying to strike a balance... and somethings really shouldn't be bothering me..
but it's personal when i find i could have done better..
getting a D grade for a project, just doesn't cut it for myself..
so that bloody sucks..
thank god i decided to not help for the 30 min short film happening in the next 2 weeks... i really have too many things...

so these are things from school i need to worry about (because all i ever talk about is school.. which is sad.. but that's a film student for you.. u breathe it man.. just like those people in NYU and the American Film Institure and all that.. tskk.. things is.. FSV doesn't even come close to what those guys are going through.. )

1) 10 page 3 Act Script.. i scored a D for the synopses.. and as much as I hate myself now for that.. it's sort of fuelling me to freaking slaughter this assignment...
I find... most of my ideas come to me just before i sleep.. when i turn out the lights, and lie on my bed... the Mandarin Orange 2 act for drama pro did (though it's not exactly the best story *shrug*) and so did my 3 act idea.. i didn't give myself too much to work with.. then i shut my eyes and almost immediately the pictures came into my head... the most painful thing about that? i had to get up and pen it down lol.. but i think i know what i'm gonna do with it to kick ass.. let's hope..

2) American Edit... this thing is like a thorn stuck in my head.. i can't stop thinking how to make it better.. i already have 3 cuts.. more probably on the way.. but this is one of those high priority personal things that i need to seriously Kick Ass.. i don't wanna waste the opportunity.. and the disappointment from not being good enough, would kill me...

3) Endangered In The Garden City.. the non-fiction program that we'll need to be shooting soon about endangered native wildlife in singapore.. still needs work.. and planning.. but excited all the same.. and as usual.. knowing me.. i wanna kick ass...

4) An Orange Pay Back.. the 2 act mandarin orange script... that we'll be shooting just after Endangered In The Garden City.. locations need to be confirmed.. and our immense cast list needs to be confirmed as well... gotta touch up on the script.. as right now it's more "Style Than Substance" and we can't have that.. film is about Substance then Style.. more work.. but I so wanna kick ass tooo

i really need a good long rest.. and get my batteries charged up again.. the Sian Bug has been around lately.. and i'm fighting to escape it..

of course the work isn't demoralising.. in fact i love work haha.. i love shoots.. but other things not working out as i'd hoped.. it's one of those things where the phone rings and you hope it's it but it's not.. lol downright demoralising.. but if "that's the way the cookie crumbles".. there ain't much i can do about it really..

what is my goal in life?
really "Get Rich or Die Trying.." (and rich doesn't just mean money in this aspect.. )

still not good enough...